I'd Rather Be In Love
by epiphanies
Summary: BuffySpike. Sucky. Stupid. bah.


I'd Rather Be In Love

  
  
  
  


I cannot help it I couldn't stop it if I tried  
The same old heartbeat fills the emptiness I have inside  
And I've heard that you can't fight love, so I won't complain  
'Cause why would I stop the fire that keeps me going on? 

*

Buffy stormed across the graveyard and knocked at Spike's door harshly.

His eyebrows were raised as he opened the door.

"Thought it was the mail man. You never knock." he commented, looking down at her leather pants and tank top, "You looking for something?"

Buffy narrowed her eyes, "Have you seen Dawn?"

"Yeah."

Buffy frowned. She wasn't expecting that.

"You've seen Dawn? Lately?"

"Yeah," he stepped back to reveal Buffy's sister, sitting on the bed.

Buffy had a flashback, then rushed over to her sister.

"Get off that," she grunted, and Spike chortled quietly.

"Buffy. What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you. What are you doing here?"

"Talking to Spike."

"You haven't done that in a while."

"So? What's the big?"

Buffy shook her head, looking daggers at Spike from the corner of her eye.

"There...there isn't a big."

"Right then," Spike lay down on the bed and grinned up at Buffy and her sister, "You two can leave now. Unless you feel like sticking around and watching Coronation Street."

Dawn started to laugh as Buffy stormed out the door, pulling her with her.

"Buffy... I know what's going on. You know that, right?"

Buffy stopped dead, and stared at her little sister.

"You know..."

"I know that you and Spike have a thing."

"How...what? Me? Spike? A...a thing? No, there's no thing..."

"Yes, there is." Dawn chuckled, then started to walk away, "And it's pretty steamy, from what I've heard."

Dawn laughed as she heard her sister gasp.

"Where the hell did you hear that?" Buffy ran after her sister and grabbed her arm.

"From you, just now. Obviously." Dawn smirked.

Buffy's eyes widened. "You tricked me!" she accused, and Dawn laughed.

"Yeah. Your point?"

"You...it's not what..." Buffy tried to explain, then stopped. Dawn wasn't freaking out. Dawn knew and she wasn't freaking out. Did this mean that her friends would be the same?

Buffy looked back at the crypt.

Dawn could see the hidden longing in her eyes.

"You're going to go back." Dawn announced, "I can get home fine. Go to him, Buffy."

Buffy turned to her, "No. It's over, Dawnie. It's been over for a long-"

"The physical thing may be over, Buffy, but I can see it in your eyes. That look I haven't seen since the last good vampire left town."

"What?" Buffy exclaimed, flabbergasted. Was she that obvious?

  
  
  
  


'Cause when there's you, I feel whole  
And there's no better feeling in the world  
But without you I'm alone  
And I'd rather be in love with you 

  
  


"You love him." Dawn stated, and Buffy looked at her sister with a new found admiration.

"How do you know this stuff?"

"I'm your sister. You may have Slayer sense, but I have Summers sense. And I can sense the electricity between you guys." Dawn shrugged.

  
  


Turn out the lights now  
To see is to believe  
I just want you near me  
I just want you here with me  
And I'd give up everything only for you  
It's the least that I could do 

  
  


Buffy felt like a dam was breaking within her, and she could feel everything tumbling out. Visible.

"I can get home fine, Buffy. I'm almost sixteen."

Buffy shuddered, and Dawn looked at her strange.

"I lost my....when I was...never mind." Buffy mumbled, shutting the memories from her last week of sixteen from her mind.

"You lost your virginity to Angel when you were sixteen?" Dawn quirked an eyebrow, and Buffy's eyes went as wide as saucers.

"What the-"

"I was a nosy kid. A diary reader." Dawn laughed, "And Buffy, I can get home fine. You don't have to worry about me. The house is just a block over."

Buffy bit her lip, then took a good look at her sister.

She looked so old. Grown up.

She had to give her another chance.

She had to give another person another chance, too.

"Okay." she finally agreed, and Dawn gave her a smarty wink as she turned and walked out of the cemetery.

"Don't talk to strangers," she called to her sister, unable to resist. Then she turned and walked briskly back towards Spike's crypt.

  
  
  
  


'Cause when there's you, I feel whole  
And there's no better feeling in the world  
But without you I'm alone  
And I'd rather be in love with you 

  
  


"Spike," she called as she entered quietly.

"Buffy. Thought you'd left." he poked his head up from the basement.

As he climbed up the ladder, Buffy tried her best not to stare at his bare chest.

"I need...we need to talk."

"Really? Hadn't noticed." he narrowed his eyes, and she made a sour face before sitting down on a chair.

"I need....I need...." Buffy struggled for the right words.

"A life? A better job? A good snog? What do you need, Buffy?" he said, exasperated.

Buffy looked at him carefully, "Well, no, yes and no. I need something other than a better job, though. I need a reason. A motive. I need love."

"You have love. You have your friends." he rolled his eyes, and took a drag of his cigarette.

Buffy wrinkled her nose, "You realize how much I hate that, right?"

Spike looked at the cigarette, then shrugged.

"Oh well. You don't have power over me, Buffy. I'm not your sex slave anymore, remember?"

"I know," she looked down, "But I want things to change."

"Again?" he said skeptically, and she held up a hand.

  
  


And I feel you holding me 

Why are we afraid to be in love?  
To be loved  
I can't explain it  
I know it's tough to be loved 

  
  


"It's hard, I know." she started, looking into his eyes. He looked as serious as she did.

"Yeah."

"And I know I said that I couldn't love you....but it was that I wouldn't. Because it surely isn't impossible."

  
  


And I feel you holding me 

Oh, oh  
And when there's you, I feel whole  
And there's no better feeling in the world  
But without you I'm alone 

  
  


Buffy took a breath, "And I don't want to live a lie anymore. I don't want to try and hide these feelings I have, Spike. I can't do it any longer. Did you know that Dawn knows about...us?"

Spike dropped his half finished cigarette, "There's an us?"

Buffy stared at the butt, smoking on the floor, and stood up.

"If you'll let there be. If there's still a chance...there's an us."

Spike stood and looked at her, hard, "You sure about this?"

"More than anything. Which isn't much," she laughed dryly, "But it's enough. Isn't love enough?"

"Sure as hell is." Spike grinned, and for the first time, Buffy didn't feel anything but alive as he bent his head down to touch her lips. No guilt. No pain.

Only love.

  
  


And I'd rather be in love  
Yes, I'd rather be in love  
Oh, I'd rather be in love with you 

And I feel you holding me


End file.
